Rough Week!

Yesterday was HORRIBLE! First off it was absolutely crazy at work, but by 10 am Eric had called me on the back line at work and informed me that he didn't have a job anymore. He said that they told him that they terminated his position. I was so sick to my stomach that I didn't know what to think or say. Luckily we had decided for me to claim insurance on our whole family with my new job and we would be double covered......thank goodness I made that decision! Eric's insurance with be terminated 1/31/09 and mine starts 2/1/09 - that's a God thing!

We are kind of up in the air about what to do since Eric is not working full time anyways. I mean, who is going to hire a guy with a hurt back out on workers comp?!? It's going to be tough! I think what is so hard for me is that I don't want to work full time permanently and it seems like there is something added everyday that is going to force me to work 40 hours a week longer and longer. It is so tough! I miss staying home with Makennah!

We have really been struggling financially with all of our bills, but things were starting to get better, then he got hurt in September. The last 3 months have been really tough, but we have managed, but now there is another check cut out of our monthly equation so I am really stressing now! The thing that REALLY bothers me is that Eric seems to be ok with it all. Today I got home and he had sat on his butt all day - what the heck?!? Not to be nagging, but if I'm going to work full time and he is going to be home then he can do laundry and clean! He needs to GO BACK TO WORK!!!! We are going to kill each other!

Please pray for our family! Especially me, I am really struggling. I asked my OB/GYN to put me back on my anti-depressant because I just feel like the world is closing in on me. I haven't been sleeping good and I am having horrible nightmares about Makennah. I am just having a really hare time right now!

January 7

Well this time last year we were starting our "rooming in" process in the NICU trying to prepare for bringing Makennah home. We were working really hard on her feeding problems and we were so excited at this point! The first day I got to room in with her - I just had to play "dress up" with her! I had a blast actually getting to be her Mommy & do "normal" Mommy things with her! Those times were so special and will be some of my favorite memories with her!

She enjoyed it at first and looked oohhhh so cute in her little NEWBORN size outfit!

Ok Mom, this isn't a real photo shoot!

"GET THIS HAT OFF!!!"

There are so many things with your children that are just taken for granted! Holding them for the first time, hearing them cry for the first time, changing a poopy diaper for the first time, feeding them a bottle, nursing them, etc. These were all things that I didn't get to do right away and I felt robbed in some way, but today I was driving home and I thought all the prayers I used to pray for God to grant me patience. I know I know......never pray for patience, but you know what.......I have the patience now! My child has brought that to me! Everytime I see that poopy diaper I am ok and somewhat excited! Everytime I hear her cry it is sweet music to my ears! Every night when I sit and rock her. Every time I get to help her eat. I just think.....thank you for this cry, this poop, this cuddle time. Wow!

I struggle watching her want to crawl soooo bad! She is getting up now and rocking away and I want sooooo bad for her to just get up and get into my cabinets, break something valuable to me, eat the plant, etc. HaHa! I know I will eat my words, but I desire these things. I love my baby girl so much! Thank you all for being a special part of her life and most of all thank you for believing in her, having the faith and power of prayer!!

EXHAUSTED!!!

Wow - what a full week we have had! 5 Christmas' from Tuesday to Saturday. I constantly thought about how much things have changed in a year. Last year at Christmas we didn't have Savannah with us and we were at the hospital with Makennah pretty much the whole time. January 15 will be a year since the day we were FINALLY able to bring her home. It was such a happy, but scary day for us.


This is a picture of Makennah a few days after she had been home. I was taking her for her first outing to Dr.Halpenny's office for a weight check and for him to meet her for the first time. It had snowed that same week and was soooo cold!

I was so nervous dring with my "precious cargo" that I think I drove the slowest I have ever driven! I am Speedy Gonzalez behind the wheel too, but not this day!

Eric and I never thought that we would've gone through this much in our first two years of marriage.....we will celebrate our 2 year anniversary in February and we already feel like we have conquered so much as a "team." Our Almighty Father pulled us through! Wow!


Anyways......Makennah was so much fun this Christmas - it was all about eating bows & tissue paper though, but she enjoyed every bit of it.

Makennah trying to figure out what to do with all these new toys!

Savannah loved her new snow leopard! It came with a "care kit" with medicine, band-aids, syringes and everything you could imagine to "make this animal better!"

Makennah is such a happy little girl! She LOVES bath time!

They were having such a great time at Memaw's house in her "big" bath tub! They are such happy girls!

Makennah will be going to the neurologist, Dr.Marks, on January 14. This will be her initial visit and he will follow her development from now on. We have been awaiting this appointment for a long time. I am anxious to see if he mentions cerebral palsy or not. Makennah seems to be getting stronger, but there are several things that she still isn't doing. Everything just seems so hard for her. Pray for her strength and that she will start catching up developmentally! It is so hard to watch her be behind all her other peers. We want her to crawl, stand, walk, etc., but she seems to have no desire to. I know that a lot of these problems could be due to her brain damage during birth, but we have no way of knowing. I pray that God will change things for her and she will not have any problems. We are praying for a healthy 2009 for her!!!

I am so happy & blessed to be this little miracles Mommy! I am so thankful that God chose me! He is an awesome God! Thank you Lord so much for blessing my life with her! I am so thankful and I could never repay You for "pulling her through" so she could live her life on Earth here with us!

Well I must get off to bed. I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas!

Love,
Candi

A Blessed Weekend!

Friday we picked up Savannah for the weekend so we were all soooo excited! Makennah and I stood on the porch and watched as Eric & Savannah pulled up in the driveway. Makennah just clapped and clapped. By the way, that is her new thing! She just claps all the time. You say "yeah" she claps. If she goes from lying down to sitting she automatically starts clapping. It's too cute! I love it! Anways....Friday night my dad, Bambi and Carli came over for pizza. It was a good visit.

Saturday we all spent a lot of time cleaning to get ready for our big day on Sunday - The NICU Christmas party. Savannah was such a big help. Eric and I enjoyed watching the girls play so well together. It was great! Makennah doesn't like to share though. If her sister touched her toys she would scream and throw her hands. It's hard to teach a 14 month old how to share - it's a chore!

Sunday was the party, but first I must share our funny but not so funny story from church. Savannah has a magnetic doodle pad in her church bag and she was writing words on it then passing it to me then I would write a word back etc. Well I looked up after about 5 minutes of this and she was passing it down with ASS written real big on it. I was trying not to die laughing, but that is one of those things that caught me completely off guard that I couldn't help myself. Wow. The party turned out to be great. We missed Abby & Kynlee, but Makennah had a good time with Jackson, Braxton & Chazz. We had a good meal and a good time watching our little miracles go EVERYWHERE! It is so amazing to see how much they are doing, especially when we know where they started out and all the struggles they have been through. God has truly blessed us!!

Sponsor Me at March for Babies!

A Lot of Changes from....to.....!!!

I was reading my friends blog and she was listing off all the things she is thankful for and it really got me thinking. This time last year Makennah was about 6 weeks old and had just moved to Cooks NICU. Our life had been turned completely upside down and we held our breath every time the phone rang because we were so scared for our baby girl's life! It was a tough time that I would never want to relive and I wish we could take all that Makennah has gone through away, but I would never want to take back what I learned. After having gone through 104 days of living in the NICU, believe it or not, I am thankful for what we learned during this trial!

Eric and I weren't getting along really good and had a really rocky marriage. When Makennah came we pulled together and he was the best husband ever! He was not brought up in a Christian home, but had been learning since we had been dating. He was actually baptized the night of our rehearsal dinner before our wedding. He was still really confused on a lot of things he read in the Bible and didn't understand a lot, but we both thought we understood faith. You would think after being brought up in the church and being a part of the church for 25 years I would know what faith was, but I didn't. I had hope, but not faith! The day the doctors came in and told me that Makennah wasn't going to make it I was able to be at peace, because I KNEW that I had prayed for God to take care of her and I KNEW He would! I had faith that He would either heal her and bring her home to us or she would be free from pain and go home with Him. I never thought that I would be able to be at peace with losing my child, but I was because I knew My Father was going to do what was best for my sweet angel!

My daughter has taught me more in the 13 months she has been alive than I have learned being brought up in the church for 25 years! For that I am sooooo thankful! I am so thankful for how she brought her Daddy to know Christ! He now leads our family in prayer and teaches our girls the right things to do and explains things to them and reads Bible stories to them! Wow! What a change from the last year!

I can never explain how thankful I am for all the people that prayed and encouraged us during this time! To look at Makennah's CarePage keepsake book and re-read all the comments, prayers of hope & thanksgiving and encouragement given to us during the whole NICU stay just sends chills and it was such an experience that I will always remember every detail!

I could go on forever for things I'm thankful for, but I just wanted to share this story because most of my blog followers were our CarePage followers and YOU are some of the ones that I am so thankful for! THanks for all you have done for me and my family!

Love,
Candi

Monica's Giveaway!!

Lori of I'm NO super Mom but I'm LOVING it! is hosting a giveaway of stuff from my friend's blog, Monica's Creative Corner.

Go check out her blog to find out what is being given away and how to enter and win!! Have fun!

Candi